I came to this through being given a recommendation for an article on Janet Lansbury's blog, and after exploring the site further and becoming quite captivated by this video in which a baby demonstrates amazing persistence and concentration in reaching for a toy without adult assistance, I decided to find out more about the "RIE" philosophy that was being illustrated.
The book is a (ghost-written) summary of the teachings of Magda Gerber, who brought the ideas of the Hungarian paediatrician Emmi Pikler to the US & founded "Resources for Infant Educarers" to demonstrate and spread these ideas. She advocates an approach to childcare based on respect, listing her basic principles as:
- Basic trust in the child to be an initiator, an explorer, and a self-learner
- An environment for the child that is physically safe, cognitively challenging, and emotionally nurturing
- Time for uninterrupted play
- Freedom to explore and interact with other infants
- Involvement of the child in all care-giving activities to allow that child to become an active participant rather than a passive recipient
- Sensitive observation of the child in order to understand her needs
- Consistency and clearly defined limits and expectations to develop discipline
Much of what is described here makes a lot of sense - I can see how the more "hands-off" approach to children playing (described here as "absence of interference") could support the growth of independence and confidence, and I have already been seeing positive results with my own toddler from trying to "help" her less when she is playing (e.g. when she asked me to make a person out of playdough as she didn't think she could, I handed it back to her and she did eventually make one herself and seemed pleased with the results). I'm sure I could also benefit from reducing the number of over-engineered plastic toys in my home and replacing them with a few simpler, open-ended objects. I also agree with the emphasis on calm observation and honest communication rather than overstimulation and distraction - a comment on "invasive" tickling bringing on "hysterical" laughter struck a particular chord with me as I've never felt entirely comfortable with this as a distraction technique.
Some of the ideas presented here don't sit quite so comfortably with me, however. For example, Gerber is not keen on supporting infants in positions they couldn't get into themselves. I'm not sure how much of this was learned in response to my actions, but my daughter was insistent on being held in an upright, outward-facing position as a baby, and I wouldn't have wanted to deny her this. Gerber also rejects anything that restrains infants; I enjoyed using a sling with my daughter and hope to again with my son, and I would have trouble giving up the idea of that closeness. Similarly, she advocates feeding on your lap and moving onto using a small chair and table rather than a highchair for meals - I can see the logic of this based on her philosophy, but I can't imagine giving up the convenience of a highchair or the social time of sitting at an adult table together. Most significantly, although I can see theoretical benefits in terms of building independence and the ability to self-soothe, I can't entirely accept her recommendations on allowing infants to cry, particularly in terms of following the "Ferber method" at bedtime.
I did find her views on not stepping in too early to try to resolve disputes between toddlers very interesting, though - she says, "I believe in letting children struggle over a toy as long as neither one gets hurt or hasn't reached a point where he is past his limit of coping with the situation." I can see how this might lead to more genuine learning about social interaction, problem solving, and co-operation, but it also seems like a tricky strategy to implement, particularly in the context of adult social expectations that parents are responsible for their children's actions and should enforce "fair play"! I'm quite ambivalent about her views on "teaching" toddlers - she feels strongly that "learning academic skills should be saved for school-age children" and although I can see her point that pushing a reluctant child could quash their innate love of learning, and I do feel uncomfortable with pressure such as repeatedly correcting toddlers' speech, I think that there is room for a middle ground where a child's own enthusiasm could help them to acquire skills that may smooth their future path in life...
Overall, this book has given me plenty of food for thought and I think that it will have an influence on the way I parent in future. I don't feel able to adopt her philosophy wholesale, as I still expect to do more carrying and comforting than she would endorse, but I will certainly be on the lookout for ways to back off a little during "play" times and during social interactions.
